it hurts more in the daytime
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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