Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
