You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
