Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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