Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
