I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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