I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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