just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
