very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
