I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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