so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
