Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
