Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
