Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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