if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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