why didn't you poke me back
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my being single is dangerous.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Never let your siblings swipe right.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
