You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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