Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
