Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
