so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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