shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
