After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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