If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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