exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
