Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
