I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
