thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
