Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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