I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
