I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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