I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
