he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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