I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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