Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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