You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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