Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
