There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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