This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
