mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
