I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
