I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Randomize
