so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
