my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
