when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize