woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
