Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
