I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
