sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
