the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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