If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
