i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
