Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
