So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
