Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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