um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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