well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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