Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
