I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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