I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
