Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
