So drunk, too bad you don't want this
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
