singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
