i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
