My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
