so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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