So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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