It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
