A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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