It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
