oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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