Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
