im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
