Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
