forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
