well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
